O you who have believed, why do you say what you do not do? Great is hatred in the sight of Allah that you say what you do not do. Surah as-Saf ayat 2-3
Astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah, astaghfirullahalazim. It feels like there’s a huge hole in my heart, right after a good friend of mine sent an image containing these:
Aku membuka mataku, dan menyedari suatu hakikat,
aku belum di SyurgaNya lagi, maka kerjaku belum selesai.
The picture in my head, of myself swimming in the river of Paradise disappeared right away. Astaghfirullahalazim. I am still alive. There’s still a lot of things to think about, to reciprocate, to comprehend, to fight… till the end of time. Just now in the car, another very good friend reminded me not to be like Mrs Ghib, even though I was just describing the figure or the look of someone we wanted to know. SubhanAllah, the benefit of having a good company is really a good cure for an inflated heart. It’s like a needle, POP the heart goes, to realise how Allah will test me with whatever knowledge I have gained. Just a few days ago I shared about Ghibah (back-biting), and right away Allah tested me if I am worthy of not falling into the very thing I was writing about. Alhamdulillah. Ya Allah, indeed, you are the Most Merciful and indeed, I was among the people who didn’t thank You as much as You have given me. And indeed, it benefits me much, writing in this blog, for everything that I shared, Allah tested me, whether I am just simply a writer or a doer. And BAM the ayat above knocked on my door, reminding me that great is hatred in the sight of Allah if I say what I do not do, or I do not do whatever I say. *sad face, many sad faces* I mean, how many of us can really swallow our pride, when someone very close directly give you an advice or a reminder not to do what you’ve already known about in the first place? Until we are placed in that situation, it’s sometimes very hard to not feel hurt by a simple teguran from another person, and it’s really hard to change the mindset to lower down our ego. This is where we are tested, well I am tested, whether I have changed my mindset to not be selfish with my own feelings. YES, indeed, being hurt, hurts big time, but this feeling, once we see the bigger picture (by putting on the glasses to see the bigger picture) isn’t so bad at all. It takes some simple steps back to Allah, to really sacrifice our own pain and ego to swallow everything and leave what Allah does not approve of. If mardhatillah (redha Allah) is what we are chasing for, there shouldn’t be any excuses to try to sacrifice our own needs, wants and desires. The “For You I will” should be hammered in our heart, if we ever want Allah to be our ultimate destination. Yes.
This deflated heart, has a hole now, because the needle was sharp yet, the tear caused by the needle is huge. And for that, this heart, feels like whatever fill I am putting in, it drains out so quickly. All I need is a plaster of Paris, cover the hole even if it’s just a few minutes. But, life… isn’t about quick-fixing it with some plaster of Paris or band-aids. Band-aids do not work well. Quick-fixes never work well. I need to love once again. To love… Allah…
I guess, we all need to step back, and listen to our ever-changing, ever-so-unstable heart, if we ever miss Allah that much or this much. If our love for Allah is high or low. If our purpose is still Allah, or not. If our life is dedicated for Allah, or for dunya. If dunya has entered our heart and has made a home in it, or the gate protecting our house for Allah is still standing tall. We need that introspection. We need to reflect upon what our heart is fighting against. We need to go back… go back to Him every time we run too far away from Him.
Ya Allah… If my heart is ever so swollen again, send an army of needles to deflate it, before pus develops and ruins it all. Ya Allah… patch this hole in my heart with Your Love, and approve me to be among those who You Love… and who love you… fully, truly, madly, deeply…
Allahumma ameen.
My Glass of Lemon Water 